Work in Progress. - a poem

“Everything revolves

Around the challenge

And duty

Of letting go. “

_

These are words from an old journal of mine. I felt like "letting go" was such a difficult task. I felt the past weigh heavily on my shoulders. Back then, I felt trapped, because I realized that my past experiences were something like my very own patchwork blanket, a puzzle that created me with every little piece and memory and I felt like it defined me. I was just looking for a way out. I wanted to feel free and light, experience joy. And on my quest of finding a way to let go and understanding what that even meant, it became my own mission. I became a seeker. I challenged myself to let go of old clothes, friendships that didn't feel quite right, cities, countries.

And those are all physical manifestations of your inside world. Yet, what still remains is wherever you go, there you are. Chasing freedom is like chasing a butterfly. It is always ahead of you, if you're not free within.

Many lessons and times that feel like lifetimes have gotten me to where I am. I got myself to where I am now. I somehow let go of letting go. I became softer towards myself. I accepted myself and my past. And then I realized that I finally understood what letting go really meant: acceptance. Accepting what happened without being defined by it.

There's a difference between forgiving and accepting. Forgiving has this notion of being okay with what happened. That is why learning to forgive to let go creates an almost unattainable ideal. Some things that have been done to you are too wrong and painful to forgive, to say that's okay. And so you are tormented, trying to attain forgiveness to be free. But letting go of the weight, of the past, of your trauma and finding peace is the result of accepting what has happened to you, accepting yourself, and your journey. That's how you heal.