How to Make Someone Feel Safe
Trauma recovery is not a linear journey. There’s so much exploring of your own depth and the spaces where you once might’ve been violated - even unknowingly so - many ways in which setting healthy boundaries can become a new challenge and task that helps you differentiate yourself from another and rebuild your Self.
Any effort in this healing process needs to begin with the understanding of trauma and trauma-informed care, even for yourself.
In the training of trauma-informed care and EMDR trainings, we practiced creating a safe space first and foremost, because without entering a safe space, a traumatized person can be easily retraumatized with a secondary trauma. The difficulty here lies in the fact that often what we know feels “safe” (like unhealthy relationship dynamics) when in truth it is not.
Hence, embarking on this healing journey, a safe space is the place to start. It is my intention for all of my work with clients to be providing them with that sense, so they may lay down their armour and allow themselves to be held in a safe container and embark on their healing with support. I actually recommend to all of my clients to create their own safe space as a sort of sacred place to retreat to for any kind of grounding or release practice like meditation, body work, yoga, journaling etc.
Recently, while discussing our dinner plans, a friend of mine offered me various options and then asked me what would make me feel safe. And I realized how incredibly important this underestimated love language is. So, I wanted to dedicate today’s blog to this topic and provide you with some useful tips on how you can make a loved person feel safe as your support them on their healing journey towards the Self.
How to Make Someone Feel Safe
Helping someone feel safe might look a bit different for everyone, because everyone’s triggers vary. However, here are some basics that can greatly contribute to creating and holding a safe space for someone with a dysregulated nervous system in trauma recovery.
Retreat to a space that is protected from the outside world - minimize noise and exposure by using light curtains like white linen, close doors and windows
Sit down together. Sitting on chairs with both feet on the ground is great. Sitting on the floor together is even better. The closer to the ground, the easier it is to ground.
When sitting down together, it can be helpful to avoid facing each other directly. Taking this into consideration if you are going to be seated on chairs is particularly important.
Avoid hectic movements, speaking fast or loud. Pace yourself.
Give space to process. This also means resisting the urge to hug someone when they are crying. Allow them to go through their process without cutting it short.
When you have the intention to hold a grounded, safe container and make someone feel safe, it is important to be grounded within yourself. Make a habit of grounding and centering yourself within with practices such as meditation, yoga, going for walks in nature, humming, breath work etc. to regulate your nervous system. A dysregulated, triggered body cannot hold space for another dysregulated body. This is super important.
Communicate with empathy and listen. A good place to start are questions such as: What makes you feel safe? What do you need right now? How can I best support you? Do you need me to listen or are you looking for advice?
You can practice breathwork exercises such as deep belly breathing or simply consciously slowing down your breath together, emphasizing your exhalation over your inhalation for a couple of breathing cycles. (A great example: inhale through your nose for 2 seconds, hold your breath for 2 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds or longer through pursed lips.)
Once your body is settled, you help others settle, too. The essence of harm reduction, healing and nurturing yourself and others is a space free of judgment, a space of acceptance of who you and who they are. This is trauma-informed care and holding space for someone’s journey with compassion.
Are you looking for more healing tools and empowering knowledge on your healing journey? Sign up for my online course The Journey today and start healing.
Disclaimer: This is not medical advice and intended for entertainment and educational purposes only.