How Do You Meet Your Own Needs
A common result of trauma is being out of touch with your own needs. Putting others first might have been safer in order to survive and so, as a result of that trauma, having had to ignore your own needs, you have become what’s labeled a people-pleaser. Going along to get along, but internally, struggling.
Aside from this personal struggle, the trauma of having to override your own needs is something common in many societies. Culturally, being too loud, wanting too much, expressing your needs, prioritizing yourself, doing what feels right for you, is often labeled as egoistic and weird, not-cooperative, rude. A traumatized society grooms you to be meek, quiet, small.
But you did not come here to stay small. You came here to do great things and fly high on this journey of life. So, how can you break the cycle of putting others first? How can you stand in your own light? Be who you truly are and do what you truly want with your life?
The answer is simple, but not easy. It begins with this: Normalize having needs.
Normalize having needs
So often, prioritizing yourelf seems acceptable when you’re sick, because physically, actually, you can’t do more. Rest, grounding, recollecting yourself then, is a practice of healing and regenerating.
Of course, aside from recognizing physical needs like thirst, hunger, the craving for sleep or rest, movement or connection with others, being a human being entails the manyfold facettes of your unique needs. And being able to communicate them in the world and making yourself a priority, not only when you are in the depth of a rock bottom, not only when you are sick or sad, but every single day.
So, How Do You Meet Your Needs?
Healing happens when you embark on a journey of curiostiy and begin to listen to yourself. Before meeting the world, before making a decision, before pushing yourself, sit with yourself and breathe deeply until you feel a sense of calm unfold. Once you feel calm, ask yourself this question: What do you need today? Give yourself the patience and time to let the answer come. No judgement, just noticing what comes up. And then ask yourself, how can you act accordingly? What needs to happen for you to meet your needs? What aligned actions can you take today? Write them down. Allow them to become part of your agenda and schedule them into your calendar like a job that needs to be done, an errand that needs to be run. Pour into yourself daily.
Practice reinforcing experiences of joy, grounding, self-care, expansion, and wellness by offering attention and care to yourself during the highs and lows of your day, of your life, not only when you feel burnt out, but also, when you have a good day.
The more you practice listening to yourself, recognizing your own needs and acting in alignment with them, the more you enforce your neural pathways for this new behavior. Just like a muscle, the network of nerves in your brain is strengthened into a new direction by practice and change is found in every step. This is how you heal on a daily basis. The healing journey from trauma is a personal endeavor.